I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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