Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
