You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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