Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
