He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
