This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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