Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
