I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
