I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
