I just pynch a tree in the face
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
