Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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