Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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