There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize