Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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