worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize