matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
