She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
