I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
