Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
