Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
