i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
