Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
