My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
