Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
