Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
