I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
