nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
