nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
