I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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