stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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