I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
