Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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