Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
