i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
