you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I got inside last night via doggy door
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
