ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
