So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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