Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize