Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize