I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
