its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
