i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
