We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
