you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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