I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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