Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just found puke in my bra..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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