Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He passed out mid-signature
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize