Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
