i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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