alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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