First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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