he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
