The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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