My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
