i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im holly from the hills drunk
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
