I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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