Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize