Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
