i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
