so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
