My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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