gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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