apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
