well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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