Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I've blown a few things in my day
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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