I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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