Sry I called you an 8
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
