I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
