And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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