I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
