We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
