last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
