never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
