What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
