from now on my penis is your penis
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
