Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
