U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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