Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
