Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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