I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize