do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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