i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
