Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
