I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
