I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
