she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
