Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
