The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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