Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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