I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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