weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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