I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just pee around me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
