We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
