Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
