It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
