would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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