If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
