so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
